I'm a fighter ; Never a lover.

I dont have much time left.
I gotta tell my mum about my pregnancy..
BUT i don't have the heart to hurt her again..
i need someone special to guide me..
someone to be by my side when i broke the news to her..
BUT that someone seems to avoid this topic when i tried to ask for his help..
thought we're in it together but it seems that i'm alone when it comes to all this..
i made up my mind.. & there's no turning back..
i'm not gonna state it in here..
time will tell everything...
i hate my life..
i hate everything..
the main reasons why i'm still standing strong..
is just for the sake of my junior..
for if not, i wont be here updating this blog of mine..
i still love him but i sense there's something wrong with us..
everything.. everytime..
i just find it weird..
*sigh* i'm sick of my life..
sick of pretending & saying i'm ok all the time,
when the truth is that i'm not!
it hurts to lie to urself okeyy!
& u guys shudn't do that aytes..
i just want my simple life like before...........
how i wish i could turn back time....

:(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :((

Murder i Wrote.

I hate Winnie the Pooh!

I didnt get a valentine's card this year, why?

Coz when he said he loves me, he don't mean it!

Momma wanted to get me engaged but him?

Been a long a time since he express his LOVE towards me.

& ohhh.. 1 more thing..

He's got a blog! zielady blahblahhblahh.

Guess he's so into her.

I'm dumb, ain't i??

He's always busy..

He wanted that girl to get pregnant..

but he dont mind when she's not pregnant..

He cant even wait to marry her..

I just found out that he's got a blog.

zielady blah blahh blahhh..

geeshh! He must be so into her huh?

Am i selfish? I think i am.

Maybe that's the reason why he's acting differently..

He don't wanna marry me..

He don't wanna make any promises to me..

BUT when it comes to me...

When i asked bout marriage??

His response crushed me.

i felt like my soul just left me after those words when out his mouth.

Bitter. Sour. Sweet. i just dont know what it felt.

It tasted like blood.

(voices from my DARK side)

BITCH! STOP UR SELFISHNESS!

Just fcuking ditch him.

He may be the one for u,

but ur not the one for HIM!

Eventhough you're pregnant but still,

there's no use clinging on to him.

He won't wanna keep the baby.

He won't marry YOU!! YES you!

Just accept the facts.

He's just testing water with you..

He's not serious!

GOSHH! I just felt my whole world collided.

Everynights i cried..

Locked myself up in my dark room all by myself..

Singing. Crying. Talking. Laughing. All. By myself.

I put a strong look for others to look at.

Even my family..

I'm having trouble to walk straight now,

'coz my back really hurts..

my foot.. they're swelling..

I'm putting up an act just for this baby..

I hope when i'm in labour,

IF my friends or even you(ARDY) are questioned by the doctor..

Please kindly tell the doctor not to save my life.

I just wanna end it there.

I cant bear with my life anymore..

I wanna be with my Daddy.

Enough is enough.

& Ardy. You should go on with the girl whom u really love.

You dont have to put up an act

& pretend that u love me wholeheartedly.

'coz i can somehow sense that ur not being true to me..

I'm sorry if i hurt anyone by posting this blog.

I just had to do this.

Sorry everyone once again.

I gotta back off.

I'm too upset.

& Junior, Mummy's very VERY sorry.

P.S : ardy, if my junior is a boy, named it. Andi Marizuan. That's what u've wanted all along right. I know, I love you & i really mean it. Thanks for everything.

Guys, dont worry. I'm not commiting suicide yet. but for sure i will once Junior's out :D

Sorry Divas ! & thanks for the guidance!

Kimmy 24th July 2010, 0308hours, Saturday.

Questions are rising regarding my 2nd pregnancy. I cant help it but cry every nights. When the closest person let out everything to me everything last night. I sweared i wont depend on him anymore. Neither should he. I regret giving everything for Love. In return i gain nothing. My birthday is around the corner. I'm thinking of hitting the club. Anyone up for it? Just holla at me. I aint give a damn anymore. Noone's controlling my life. & i'm so freaking not controlling anyone's before! Shits just happen. Whatever! He always thinks he's right. What goes around comes around. He'll suffer next. I hate to curse but people made me this way. No comments. Oh. Is there anyone out there who's willing to hit my tummy? I gotta end this suffering sooner or later. I dont wanna live in sins. Lets just end it. If there is someone out there, just holla aytes!!

p.s : I'd rather die along with my baby rather than carrying on living & killing the baby.